I love my campers!

I love when I hear that one of my former campers isn't afraid to express their religious beliefs.  It makes me feel like I had a part in their religious formation.  They are pretty great kids, the ones I get to work with.  And I feel awesome in knowing that whatever I'm doing is working somehow.  Even if you're not religious, I encourage you to take the time to help a kid in some way.  It is truly a rewarding experience.

Christmas was a blast?

This Christmas found me in the kitchen doing all the work.  A couple of weeks ago, my mom broke her ankle and is now in a walking boot and can't put much pressure on it or stand too long.  So that left me and my dad in charge of Christmas dinner.  Or shall I say "Christmukah/Hanumas" because we celebrate Christmas with our Jewish friends.  Anyway, this was not my first time preparing a holiday meal, as I have been doubed the "Thanksgiving" person by my mother.  But Christmas is a different deal.  We usually have about twice as many people over at Christmas than we do for Thanksgiving which therefore means more food has to be made.  Oh well, it went well, nobody went home sick or hungry and I got lots of compliments on the various items I made:  The Turkey (which I prepared and my dad barbecued), Apple Pie, Homemade Bread (from scratch, no bread machine needed), Cranberry Sauce (also from scratch as I find out that it is actually rather easy to make), Cookies (Sugar, Chocolate Chip, White Chocolate Chip, Butterscotch Chip, and M&M), the Dressing/Stuffing (that was from a box though because I do not like Stuffing), and I made homemade Butter.  Dad made the Mashed Potatoes that my mom is so famous for (and they were just as delicious)

I did a lot this year and it made me grateful for my mother because she usually does most of this stuff.  However, it was so nice to have people compliment my cooking.  Everyone seemed to enjoy it and that made me happy.  And it was nice to have everyone at the house and see that they are all happy and healthy (with the exception of my mother's ankle, and my friend Nicole who had foot surgery a few weeks ago.  Nicole has a super ginormous cast though!).  I hope that everyone's Christmas was good this year!  TTFN!

Giving the gift of life!

I'm on a crusade to change the world. I want to do good things. But first, I need some help. I've started a fundraiser with Nothing But Nets. If you go to www.mynothingbutnets.net/mariannescrusade, you will be asked to donate money to pusrchase mosquito netting for beds in Africa to prevent people from getting bit by mosquitos and getting malaria. It's a good cause that I think would be worth while. I'm setting a goal of $1,000 to start. It would be greatly appreciated if you could give to the cause.

Also, I have a friend, Kim, who's serving in the Peace Corps in Tanzania. She's in dire need for supplies/money for Lwang’a schools. If you'd like to help her out, contact me and I'll get you the info you need.

Thank you.Marianne.

I hate when I start doubting my decisions...

...well I don't think I'm actually doubting them, I think it's just that I'm longing for the way I used to feel. I had a dream last night in which I was with my ex. I don't necessarily think it means that I want to be with him again, I think it just means that I want someone to share my life with. Is that I sign that I'm ready to move on? Or, based on the activity we were doing in the dream, maybe I just want to do that activity but not necessarily with him. It sucks when you feel this way because sometimes, once in a while, you think that maybe you made the wrong decision but you always come to the conclusion that you made the correct one, but you still have to go through the process of wondering. Ugh, this sucks.

This makes me so angry!

People killing people just to get Christmas gifts? Seriously? WTF? I think everyone has forgotten what this season is supposed to be about and it makes me angry. The holiday season should not be all about what stupid new consumer product you receive from your Aunt Frances that you've never met. It's about being with the ones you love, and sharing things that hopefully mean a lot to you. Which is why this year, I'm not asking for any gifts. In fact, I DON"T WANT anything.And, if you insist on getting me something, then I am going to ask you to go to www. alternativegifts. org and donate some money in my name.Or, you can go to Ten Thousand Villages in Pasadena (or to their website: www. tenthousandvillages. com) and buy me something from there because everything from there comes from rural villages in impoverished nations and the money you spend goes straight to those villages to help them make money. I want to get people in the habit of giving to a good cause. I want to do good in the world and I think this is a good place to start. And for those of you few people who I plan on giving things to? Be prepared to receive a Yak in your name or something of the sort because I'm sick of Christmas being a consumer holiday. Thank you.

My puppy...

...always makes me feel better when I'm sick. This is why I love her so much. She's amazing.

This is awesome...

...I got gas yesterday and actually got change back! I don't think that's ever happened. And if it has, it's been FOREVER since the last time because of how ridiculous the gas prices have been. This is a sign that gas prices are going down. How absolutely amazing is that?

I like Papayas!

I like bananas!
I think that mangos are sweet.
I like papayas! Papayas!
But nothing can beat, that sweet
Love of God!

I love camp songs. Especially this one because evertime I hear the word "papaya" I think of camp and how awesome it is and how much I love it. I saw this at Costco and absolutely had to take a pic of it.

I hate it when I start to lose respect for people...

Ugh. Last night we had a pickup rehearsal for the show. Nobody bothered to call me to tell me we were starting at 7 instead of 8 like I had originally thought. Whatever. I'm not upset about that. I went to go find someone who had a key to unlock the dressing room for the actors (they were told to be there I guess at 6 in order to go at 7; but when they got there, nobody had unlocked the dressing room so they called me at 6:30 and that's when I found out that we were going at 7). As soon as I got down there, everyone starting bitching at me saying that they weren't going to be ready to go at 7...I hate it when people bombard me like that because I never handle those situations really well. Ugh.

Anyway, that really has nothing to do with how I'm feeling; it just added to wood to the fire. So when I was called about unlocking the dressing room, I had to find a key. I was told by our now former stage manager, as I seem to have been bumped up due to the fact that the former SM was not fulfilling her duties, that Guido, our set designer/lighting designer/faculty advisor that was present at the time, did not have a key. I don't know why I believed her when she first told me like a week ago, but I did. I asked her again yesterday and she said that he didn't, that Dina-Guido's assisstant-was the one who had it. Now recently, our former SM has been caught in a few lies that make me cautious about the things I tell her now. So I decide to go to Guido and ask him for the key anyway and he's like, "Yeah, I have a key to everything." That is why I got so pissed. Not the fact that I wasn't told that we were starting earlier than I had originally thought, but that I was very openly lied to by someone who I consider a friend. It sucks. I'm pretty hurt by this. I realize that it was a lie over a stupid key, but there's more to the story. She hasn't just been lying to me, she's been lying to pretty much everyone, and I think that's the suckiest part.

And I'm not just hurt by her. Last night's events got me thinking about how another friend has been treating me lately. Back in September, when I broke up with my boyfriend, this particular friend did not lend the support that I truely needed. In fact, the night of our breakup, she was openly making fun of the entire situation, when she knew how much I cared for him and loved him. At first when this happened, I blamed it on the fact that it was late at night and we were both pretty tired, but then I thought about the fact that anytime she's broken up with a guy (probably a total of 5 or 6 in the two years I've known her) I've never once made fun of the situation right after it happened. And she's never apologized for treating me that way either. It sucks getting hurt by someone you love.

I invited this particular friend to a Halloween party that I was invited to and she had said that she'd go with me. When I got home to change into my costume, it was about 8:30. She had told me that she had a family dinner thing until around 9 or so. When we talked previously in the day, she had expressed that she was tired and wasn't sure if she was going to go with me that night. I said that it was ok, but to text or call me if she was for sure not going to go. She never did and I assumed that she was still at her family thing and that when she was done, we'd go to the party for a little while and then head over to another party at a mutual friend's house. I decided not to go to the party because I was too tired and when I texted her to let her know I wasn't going, she was already at our friend's party! She didn't even bother to tell me that she had absolutely no intention of coming with me to the first party.

I don't understand why people can't seem to tell me the truth. All my friend had to do was tell me that she didn't want to go with me to my party and that she just wanted to go to our mutual friend's party. Is that really so hard to do? I don't even know what to say to this person about her actions. It just sucks that I feel so hurt. I want to go somewhere far, far away right now.

Sorry this is so long, I just needed to vent.

Dr. Zand...

...is the name of an orthodontist's office on the border of Glendale/Burbank. This office used to be able to be seen on San Fernando Rd. and I always remember driving by it with it's huge billboard with Dr. Zand's name on it. Now, there's an apartment complex in front of it and you can't see the sign from San Fernando Rd. But I remeber that every time I passed it, I was reminded of The Great Gatsby, with the eye doctor's advertisement looking over the giant field and how it was supposed to represent some higher being/force looking down on the world. I guess I always related Dr. Zand's advertisement to the one in that story and looked at it as that higher being/force was smiling down on the world. This always reminds me just how important literature is in our lives. Literature takes stories and gives you something to relate to the real world. Any one thing that you see can remind you of a favorite story and take you to a happy place in your mind. I love having those sweet, happy little getaways from such a stressful world.

I didn't realize that we've suddenly jumped back into the 60s...

...and that farm animals now have more rights than gay people in California.  I'm so upset that Prop 8 passed.  I for sure thought that it wouldn't based on the fact that EVERYONE I know (minus grandpa) was voting No.  Ugh.  When will this unfairness end?  It really aggravates me that even now in 200-freaking-8, we are still dealing with social inequality.  What difference is it to those homophobs if gay people get married?  It's not like it's going to raise your taxes or that you have to live with them.  Ugh...I really hate ignorant people.  It's not going to be taught in schools, your children won't become gay by hearing about it because it isn't some kind of contagious disease.  Did I mention that I REALLY hate ignorant people?

But on the other hand, I'm glad Obama won.  This nation could really use a change, and based on my research, I think that he's the best candidate for the job.  So, President Obama, please, please, please, stick to your guns and don't fuck things up even worse than they are now.  Don't give me a reason to doubt why I voted for you.  I'm putting my faith in you that you will lead this country to a good place and I really hate it when people give me reasons to doubt them.  Thank you.

I voted...

...and I feel REALLY good about it. I did all of my research and voted for the candidate that I feel will do the best job. I also really took my time researching all of my state's propositions and feel good in knowing that I voted for what I felt was right. I 'm so proud to be an American!

So I guess the ride isn't over...

So this is what I was working on yesterday. It's the set of Macbeth. I'm very excited that the show is coming along so well but I'm still stressing.

Oh and there's a strong possibility that I'll be calling the show as the Stage Manager has been mysteriously hospitalized for some sickness or other and may need surgery...I'm not exactly sure how to feel about that because given the circumstances, it seems rather...convenient that she would be hospitalized this late in the game.  It seems as though she's been caught in some lies recently that make me believe this but I guess it must be true if she is in the hospital right?  In a way, I hope that she's not lying and if she isn't I pray for her to have a speedy recovery, but what if she is?  I just can't shake that feeling and if she is, that just sucks.  I'd much rather have her just say, "look this is way more than I can handle," and back out instead of having to come up with some elaborate lie to make it look like she can't help what's happening.  Ugh.  This is what my brain has been rattling with for the past week or so.  I guess I'll keep you posted.

Things are looking better

After a rather stressful week last week, things are looking up. I last mentioned that my dear friend Kim was sick in Africa and I just heard that she's getting better, which makes me happy.

After I wrote in my blog last week, I had issues with my bank. I applied for a scholarship through my church and received the check a week ago this past Sunday. Well, turns out that the church had some checks stolen from the account that my check came from. The church had to close that account and open a new account. They told the bank that it was ok for certain checks to be paid (including mine) but the rest of them were not (there were about 8 checks stolen in total). I guess someone made a mistake and thought that my check was one of the stolen ones (the number of my check was one digit off from the ones that were stolen). So when that happened, my bank froze my account due to "suspicious activity" and were prepared to close my account. I didn't find out about this until Wednesday of last week when I went to use my debit card at Taco Bell and it was denied. I thought it was just because the check didn't clear and went to an ATM to take money out of my savings and the same thing happened. I called the bank and that's when the whole mess started for me.

I went to the bank and asked what was going on and they said that this particular check was going to be returned because of the fact that the account was closed. Ugh. So now, after a week of constant calls to my bank, constant calls to the church, and another trip to my bank, I finally have everything straightened out and can access my money again. I used to think that it was frustrating when I didn't have money at all but I've come to find out that it's even MORE frustrating when you do have money, but no access to it.

Now, for the show. We open one week from today and although I feel like we're right where we need to be, I'm still stressed. Mostly because earlier this week, our Stage Manager decided not to show up to rehearsal for the mere fact that she got into an argument with someone and I guess pretty much ended their friendship. I get that she was upset by what happened, but I seriously don't feel like it's a reason to miss rehearsal. I mean, I broke up with my boyfriend and was still able to make it to rehearsal. Anyway, because of this particular fight, she was thinking about going back home to Washington and made it sound like she was going to completely ditch the show, which would've left me in charge of practically everything. I did not sign up for that. But now it looks as though she is going to at least stay through the show so I'm happy about that because that means that I can be backstage during the show and help the actors with quick changes and anything else they might need.

This past week has been a rollercoaster of emotions, and I'm glad that the ride is ending...hopefully.

I think I have a problem...

...it's called, "Shoes." I love shoes. I'm practically Carrie Bradshaw when it comes to shoes. I have approximately 40 pairs of shoes. Some of them I don't even wear but I keep them "just in case." Ugh. But they're so pretty. These pairs pictured are my newest babies. I love red shoes and I've always wanted a nice pair of wedges. Plain and simple. Ugh...I'm a shoeaholic.

On another note, I heard today that my friend, Kim, who's in the Peace Corps and serving in Africa, is seriously ill. Malaria, and a possible kidney infection. It's taking a lot of energy to force myself not to cry in the middle of my english class. I don't want people to think I'm crazy (and I don't want my teacher to know that I'm not doing my english work). I'm really worried about her...I'm praying that she gets better and Kim, if you're reading this, I love you and miss you and hope you get better soon. I feel like you're called to do this and you can't give up. PLEASE STAY SAFE!!!

This is why I love Grey's...

"At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don’t really expect it. It’s like one day, you realize that the fairy tale might be slightly different than you dreamt. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it’s not so important that it’s a “happily ever after,” just that it’s a happy right now. See, once in awhile, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you, and once in awhile people may even take your breath away." –Meredith Grey

My friend posted this on my myspace at a time when I really needed it and I just found it again. It truly does reflect the feelings I had at the time she posted this quote.

This is where I get to go this weekend. I love this place! It's like I'm going home after being away for a long time. YAY!

Moments of clarity during a severe lack of sleep...

I was driving to work today, listening to my iPod (thank God for the iPod hookup in my car, otherwise I'd be stuck listening to crappy music on the radio) when a song that I first heard as a child came on. It was "My Wild Irish Rose." It's an Irish folk song that is often sung in Barber Shop choirs. In fact, that's my first memory of the song. My Godfather, Fred (Uncle Fred) was in a Barber Shop choir (for those of you on the up and up in music, he was a member of the Valleyaires, located in the San Fernando Valley) and I remember going to one of his concerts many, many years ago and hearing that song for the first time.

Anytime I hear that song, I seem to think of him. Well, today, I got to thinking about the last time I saw him. It was about six years ago (about six months before he died) and my high school's Chamber Choir had the privilege of singing at one of the Valleyaires' concerts. It was an amazing experience to be performing with not only a choir that I had seen regularly as a child, but more importantly, performing with my Uncle Fred. I actually didn't realize that was the last time I saw him until today. I think I saw him shortly before he died, but I can't be sure and if I did, I don't remember it. This was the last time I remember seeing him. It made me smile to think that the last time I remember seeing him was a time in which we were both happy and enjoying what we do.

This is how I will remember my Uncle Fred. Happy, and full of life. I will also remember him as Santa because every year when I was a kid, he would dress up as Santa at our Christmas parties and spend time with each of the kids there. In later years, when my sister went into her group home and the home would have Christmas parties, he would come to those too and play Santa and get a kick out of how happy he made people. He was a truely inspiring man and I was so privileged to have known him the way I did.

Rest in Peace, Uncle Fred. You are greatly missed.

Love,
Your Wild Irish Rose

PS: In the picture he is in the first row on the very far right...the one that kind of looks like, you guessed it, Santa.

Rain

It rained yesterday. I never noticed before but I feel like after it rains, everything is in HD. Crystal clear. I loved it. It was absolutely beautiful and I just had to write about it. That's all.

I'm getting too old for this. Why can't people just grow up and get over their shit?

Last night was a great night...until I was driving home from a rather successful rehearsal. One of the cast members called me to let me know that she and her boyfriend (also in my cast) as well as a few other castmates had an altercation with cast members of the other show that's going on at school. It was related to drama between two couples (the one in our cast and one in the other) that were once really good friends and now have grown apart due to one person's dislike for her friend's boyfriend.

I guess what happened (as told by the person who called me) was that she was talking to someone in our cast and answering questions that this person had about why people in the other cast were being rude to her. Well, the boyfriend of the couple in the other show overheard this and must have told his girlfriend because as my cast members were leaving rehearsal, a number of the cast members from the other show were outside waiting for them and started verbally attacking them (I believe the boyfriend of the couple in my cast was called an "oompa loompa." Real mature, I know). Apparently the boyfriend of the couple in my cast was so angered that he needed to be held back by another member of my cast (an innocent bystander, no doubt, but I'm thankful for the military training that he's been through). All of this was occuring while I, the stage manager, and the director were fisnishing up inside and locking up. I had no idea this happened until I was called and I thought that it was weird when a member of the other cast asked me if the director of our show was still around (I'm guessing so she could complain about my cast causing trouble, when she was waiting around to start it).

I'm so sick of this. Every show I do, there's some form of drama between people in our cast. I'm getting too old for this. And every time, it's related to something that happened in the past. This just further's my need to get out of this school. I need to move on, and I'm now working harder to do that. I love theatre and I don't want to give it up, but every time something like this happens, it just makes me want to quit. I love the theatre for the fulfillment I get out of performing to sell-out crowds (that's still kind of surreal to me), and what I get personally out of it: I love making people happy with my performances. But I hate the people sometimes. A lot of them are attention whores and drama queens and I can't stand being around such selfish people. It sickens me (literally, I sometimes can't sleep because of the "drama" that happens, which then weakens my immune system, and makes me get sick. Ugh). I wish there was some way that I could do what I love, but not with the people I hate.

I just wish that these people (some of them are actually older than me, believe it or not) would just grow up and get over what little trivial drama they have with each other. When I told my mom about what happened, she asked, "Are you guys in elementary school again?" Come on guys. My junior high kids in youth group and camp are more mature than you. I don't care if you don't like each other, just grow up and move on. I'm not saying that you have to be best friends, just stop spreading rumors and gossiping about them. No one that matters actually cares about the shit you say. And if you don't like the person/people, then don't talk to them.

Don't get me wrong, some of the people I've met through theatre are some of my best friends. And those friends have been amazing when I've needed their support. But it's only a few people that I can actually trust. And I'm not sure whether or not it's worth it to stay in this theatre department just because of a few people. Ugh. Sometimes, I hate my life.

I may be going to New York!!!

Hooray!!! A much needed vacation may possibly occur during the week of Thanksgiving. I don't want to get my hopes up though because the idea was just presented to me yesterday. My friend Kelly was in the Green Room talking about how she was going to New York yesterday and said that her mom was going to buy an extra ticket for anyone that wanted to go with her. I said I'd go with her and she said, "Ok." We talked about it a little and that was pretty much it. Now there are two things currently in my way of making this a real thing: 1) I'm not too enitirely sure how serious Kelly is about doing this. She said that she wanted to look at colleges and stuff so that makes me think that she is going to do this. But she tends to kind of flake out sometimes. 2) This trip would be the week of Thanksgiving and I don't know if my mom would really like me to be away during a "family holiday" but I'm going to try and explain to her that at least it's not Christmas, which tends to be a bigger event than Thanksgiving. Plus, I haven't been very keen on Thanksgiving in more recent years. I think the effects of my grandmother's death the day before some years ago has to do with that. I'm going to try and talk to her today about it. I hope things go well.

Now, IF I do go I have to come up with a list of things to do while I'm there:
1. Eat at "Famous Ray's Pizza," (apparently that's going to be our first meal there according to Kelly).
2. See a Broadway show (Kelly and I agreed on The Little Mermaid)
3. Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade
4. Ice Skating at Rockefeller Center
5. Visit ground zero
6. Statue of Liberty
7. Times Square
8. Empire State Building (Jim said that I should throw a penny off the top, Kelly says it's not possible because of fencing)
9. United Nations (if I'm going to work there one day, I should get used to my surroundings)
10. Kelly wants to look at NYU, and I'm thinking that I do too.
11. Central Park
12. Metropolitan Museum of Art
13. Breakfast at Tiffany's
14. maybe Greenwich Village
15. riding the subway

There are definitely more, but at least this is a starting point. That, and I have to go type an essay now.

New Blog!

For those of you who would like to read the stories of my wacky travels, here's the link: www.travelsinthegreatwidesomewhere.blogspot.com. Hope you enjoy it!

Sleep...

I think I may have a mild form of insomnia. For the past few weeks, it's been a rare occassion for me to actually get a full night's sleep without my sleep cycle being interrupted. I usually go to bed around 10:30 or 11...sometimes 11:30 depending on what time I get home from rehearsal. Then I'll wake up around 3am, right around the time my dad gets up for work (he has to be at work at 4). Sometimes, I can get to sleep right away and be ok the next morning but others, I'll stay up for a couple of hours, only to fall asleep for a mere 30 minutes to an hour before I have to be up for work/school. It's been better since last week (I blame that on the fact that I was stressed about my situation with my now ex boyfriend) but it's still not what it could be. I like sleep, it rejuvenates me, but for some reason, I can't get enough of it. Ugh. Hopefully I'll be able to sleep better soon.

needing to vent...

Yesterday was not the greatest day for me. To begin with, at the beginning of this week, I broke up with my boyfriend. And although I still love him, I feel that it was the right thing to do. He's taking it better than I had expected and we will try to remain friends, which is good. I feel bad that I broke up with him over a myspace message but in all honesty, I had no idea when I was going to see or talk to him in order to do it in person so really, that was my only option. But more importantly, I got the chance to express how I was feeling without him interupting me, which is what I needed. He read the message the next day and I feel like he didn't read the letter in its entirety (sp?) because he continued to ask me questions in which the answers were obviously stated (some of them 4 or 5 times) in the letter. Oh well. Although I'm sad about it, I know it was the right thing to do and I'm moving on.

After the whole "break up," I was just not in a good mood (as smoothly as it went, I'm still upset about it). Anything that anyone said or did yesterday just seemed to annoy the shit out of me (I also attribute these little annoyances to PMS but it seemed to be heightened after the events of Tuesday night). Take this girl in my math class:

I have a pretty cool math teacher (for those of you attending GCC, take Hassett, he's really cool!) and the way he takes attendance and checks that we did our homework is by giving us a little quiz in which he takes 2 problems from the homework that we are supposed to copy from our homework onto a blank sheet of paper. We cannot copy the problem from the book, it has to be from OUR homework. If you didn't do the homework or arrive late, you have to write your name on a blank piece of paper. So this girl gets caught copying the problems from her friend/neighbor's homework, NOT hers. The teacher sees this and proceeds to ask her to see HER homework which she does not turn up. He takes the sheet and rips it up and makes it rather clear that if she does it again, she's out of not just his class, but out of GCC (I believe his exact words were, "If I catch you doing it again, I will make sure that you can't get into any California Community College ever again." That's how serious he is about cheating). She, for whatever reason (maybe too much peroxide has seeped into her brain), can't seem to understand that she basically cheated and proceeds to ask why he tore up her homework quiz. After that whole thing was cleared up, it seemed like anything she said in class yesterday was THE DUMBEST COMMENT ALIVE!!! I wanted to punch her in the face every time she opened her mouth. It's like, the teacher would say something like, "2 + 2 = 4," and like 10 minutes later, she would ask, "Is 2 + 2, 4?" It was the most annoying thing ever. I hate it when people don't listen!!! Ugh. Anyway, I just needed to vent that.

On a different note, my dad got beat up by a 2 x 4 this past weekend. This pic is the result of what happened. We have an old house and my dad needed to re-enforce a wall so that we could hang our flat screen TV above our fireplace. The structure he built was perfectly level, but due to our house's age, the wall is not. He was placing the last piece between the ceiling and another piece and on one end, it fit but it was off about half an inch on the other end. He tried to force it into place and when he realized that it wasn't going to work, he pried the piece off and it fell and hit him smack dab on the eye. Now he has a VERY black eye, with about a one inch gash just above the eye. No concussion, just a big black eye. But a few nights later, he showed that piece of wood who was boss...

yesterday...

I took Kelly to the hospital yesterday because she fell and we thought she broke her arm. She's fine, nothing's broken but we went into the room to get discharged and this is what we saw. There's an entire cabinet devoted to vaginal hemorrhaging! Like they have so many people coming in with vaginal hemorrhages that they need to have an entire cabinet ready...I just find that weird.

On a plus side, I found out that I won't be auditioning people today. I'm just responsible for making sure that people are in the right place at the right time. And almost immediately after hearing that, my stomach stopped feeling "weird." You have no idea how happy that makes me. Now, if the show sucks due to crappy casting (which I'm sure it won't based on who I know that's trying out), at least it won't be my fault. Now, I'm trying to decide whether or not I'm going to have a breakfast burrito for breakfast. Decisions, decisions...

Something's not right...

...I can't sleep and my stomach feels "weird." That's the best that I can explain it. Weird...not good but not incredibly bad. But definitely not good. I think it's stress. School starts today, auditions are coming up and I've been told that I'm doing the auditioning. That would be great if I was directing the show, but I'm merely the assistant stage manager...and it's my first experience doing any kind of backstage work. I have a feeling that I may end up helping Kelly (the stage manager) direct the show...which would be ok if either of us had any experience directing or even stage managing. I fear I've gotten myself into some sort of mess. Hopefully everything will work out for the better...

adventure...

"I want adventure in the great, wide somewhere. I want it more than I can tell. And for once it might be grand, to have someone understand. I want so much more than they've got planned."

How typical of me to quote a disney song. But for some reason, right now, this little snipit of the song speaks volumes to me. I guess, on some level or another, this part of the song has always spoken to me but recently, I feel like I've been searching for something more than what I've got. I should be grateful for the things I have (and I am...probably more than anyone knows), but I'm still searching for that something to make me truely, truely happy. Oh well, I'm sure it's out there...I've just got to keep searching...until then, I'll just continue to relate to disney quotes.

I love reading...

I'm reading "Gone With the Wind" right now. I love that story. It's one of my favorite movies of all time. However, the book is taking me FOREVER to read. I've been reading it off and on (due to class scheduling) for like 8 months and am only on page 230! But, I still love the book. I think books are way more descriptive than movies and they allow you to imagine things differently than what movies provide. It's too bad that kids are reading books less and less these days. I feel like if they were to read, their imaginations would be so much better off. They rely so much on video games and television to keep them entertained. It's so sad. When I was a kid, my parents never let me have video games. I had to go to friends' houses to play them. I remember being so mad at them for not getting me that Super Nintendo but now that I look back on it, I have to thank them because if it wasn't for them, I would not have had to go outside and use my imagination to keep me entertained. I think that when I have kids, I'll do the same thing.

wth?

This week I've really been on edge. I'm positive it's PMS but I've never been this bitchy before. The other day, it seemed like anything that anybody said to me just annoyed the shit out of me. You could've told me I won a million dollars and I would've found reason to be pissed off. Oh well. I think the worst of it is over. If not, I pray for the poor souls that have to deal with me for the next week.

On a better note, I got a new phone yesterday! I'm so excited about it because for the past 3 months, anytime we've gone into the verizon store to upgrade, they've told us something different each time and we couldn't end up getting our new phones. My mom got a thing in the mail back in May saying that she (because her number is the primary number on the plan) was eligible for upgrade. So we go into the store thinking that we were all eligible and they said no, only she was eligible and that my dad and I would both be eligible at the end of July. So we went in last week (like around August 1st or something) to get our phones and then they said that I wasn't eligible until August 7 but that everyone else on the plan was. It was frustrating and I feel like this has been the longest week of my life (maybe that was why I was cranky, hmm) but when we went in yesterday, they FINALLY upgraded us! So now, I'm happy and content with my new phone.

I heard from Kim today. She's in Africa. It was such a bright spot on my day and her email gave me a smile :D. Although I miss her, I think that what she's doing is really awesome and it kind of makes me want to do it but I'm not sure if I would be able to. I think I need to research more. I can't wait to see what happens while she's on her journey and I look forward to her safe return home (whenever that might be).

uh...

I miss my boyfriend.  He just got a promotion at his job and is working longer hours.  It's a management position so that means more paperwork.  I'm trying to be supportive but it's difficult because that means that he can't spend as much time with me as he used to.  And I feel like that's really selfish of me because he needs the extra cash so he can pay the bills and such.  But it's still difficult because I want time with him...ugh it's frustrating.  I'm trying to be that supportive girlfriend but I'd like to see him every once-in-a-while.  When will I get my time with him back?

Still in need of a vacation...

...and still don't have any money to do so. But I may be getting a new job soon (if it works out well with my mom getting a new job). I guess we shall see. Hopefully the money woes will soon leave me behind and I can start making my way out of debt. That seems to be the biggest worry of mine lately (as I'm sure it is with everyone else due to our shitty economy). And hopefully I'll get one of those stimulus checks sometime in the near future.

Well, enough about that. I'm currently in the longest relationship of my life. Congratulations to me! We celebrated 7 months yesterday via phone. Unfortunately, due to his promotion at work, we don't get to see each other as frequently as we used to. Oh well, I'm sure it'll work it's way out and we'll get to spend more time together eventually. Camp is coming up in 2 weeks! I'm excited about that! I always look forward to it because it's a time of reflection, and a time to get away as well. I hope that it's a good year this year.

I need a vacation...

...to someplace exotic. Like Hawaii. Or Fiji. Yeah, I think I'd rather go to Fiji at this point. I've always wanted to learn how to SCUBA dive and then go to Fiji and SCUBA dive there. The problem is that 1) I don't have any money and 2) I'm a horrible swimmer. But I'd still love to do it. I need to marry someone who is rich and will let me travel all over the world whenever I want. I don't think that person exists though. At least not yet. Oh well.

Just thinking out loud...

I'm thinking about joining the Peace Corps. I have my friend Kim to thank for that. She is leaving for Africa next month and I must say that I admire her for that. Well, her leaving got me thinking. I want to make a difference in this world. I'd love to work for an organization like the UN one day and working in the Peace Corps would give me some really good experience on my future resume. I don't know, I'm just thinking out loud though. Two years is a long time to be away from my friends and family but it would give me a chance to see a part of the world that I wouldn't necessarily get to see otherwise. I looked at my options on where I could go and they are looking for people to go to Eastern Europe and Russia. If I went there, I would get the chance to take maybe some weekend-type trips back to Prague. I don't know. I'm just thinking out loud at the moment.