It really saddens me to say it because I was so looking forward to being there but even after RIGOROUS studying, I will not be able to pass my Statistics course. And after phone calls to the admissions people at UCSD, I can't even take the course over the summer. I asked them if that was possible and they said no, and they continued to say no after asking if I can defer my acceptance. So, I will have to reapply in the fall and not be guaranteed admission. I cried for an hour and it still hurts to mention it. I haven't told many people because in many ways, I'm ashamed. I mean, I was ACCEPTED and made the decision to go and now, because I'm not passing a class, I will be forced to stay at GCC for yet ANOTHER year. I've never heard of that happening to anyone. Usually, you get accepted, pass your classes, and go. I'm so disappointed in myself. Part of me doesn't even want to attempt the Stats final but I will, even though I'll have to repeat it in the fall. Ugh.
I can't help but feel like a failure in this whole mess. Even with all the love people are giving me. I've struggled so much to get to the point where I can transfer (8 FREAKING years to decide what I want to do) and now I have to take longer to get where I want to go. This was not in my plan at all. And now I feel sort of lost. Yes, I will continue my education (I will take Stats and a few music classes in the fall) because I feel it's important, but because my educational plan has been thrown off, I can't help but feel lost in some way. I think I'm mostly just frustrated because of this whole math thing. I JUST DON'T GET IT!!!! And because I don't get it, I now have to wait yet ANOTHER year to get out of here. I keep asking why this is happening but I have yet to receive an answer... I guess it's all up to God now.
